Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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