So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
