I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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