1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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