I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I could teleport
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
