Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
