I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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