The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
