Non-Jews are for practice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
