Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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