I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
