is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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