"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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