i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
