I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
