theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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