id be glad to
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
