Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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