I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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