and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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