Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
