It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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