soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
