Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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