Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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