I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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