i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
