Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to make out with him forever
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
