When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
