I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
