Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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