I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
