I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
