my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
