Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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