Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We named our party play list daddy issues
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
