guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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