Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
