no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
