Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
