Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
