i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
