i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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