No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
