i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
