What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
