I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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