Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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