I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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