sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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